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Psychologist Philip Zimbardo, famous for leading the notorious 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment, says happiness and success are rooted in a trait most of us disregard: the way we orient toward the past, present and future. In this 6-minute lecture at TED, he suggests we calibrate our outlook on time as a first step to improving our lives:

Robert Cialdini has written two books on influence and persuasion. I own one and have read neither. But I've used the Internet to summarize his strongest insights, specifically the six weapons of influence:

RECIPROCATION
People tend to return favors, if there are no strings attached.

• A small gift makes people want to reciprocate. People who received a small no-strings-attached gift from a stranger were twice as likely to buy raffle tickets from him than those who were just pitched on raffle tickets.

• Hand-written Post-It note improves response rate. Researchers distributed three sets of questionnaires around the office. The first set included a hand-written Post-It note requesting completion of the survey. The second set got the same survey, with the request to return it hand-written on Page 1. Third group got the same survey with their name mentioned (in type) on page 1 of the survey. Response rates? 75%, 48%, 36%. People appreciated personalized approach, and somehow a Post-It note even highlighted the extra work that someone did before sending out the survey.

• As time goes by, the value of a favor increases in the eyes of the favor-giver, and decreases in the eyes of the favor-receiver. Researchers asked a group of people in the random office environment to exchange favors and then rate the value of the given/received favor in their eyes. A few weeks later the same employees were reminded of the favor, and asked to evaluate the favor again. Favor-givers consistently assigned higher value to a given favor, while as the time passed by, favor-receivers tended to assign lower value to the received favor.

COMMITMENT & CONSISTENCY
If people commit, orally or in writing, to an idea or goal,
they are more likely to honor that commitment.

• Asking people to substantiate their decision will lead to higher commitment rate on that decision. Researchers called a group of people asking them how likely they were to vote in an upcoming election. Those who responded positively were either asked nothing, or asked why they felt they would vote. Any reason would suffice, but when the election day came, the turnout for the control group (who all responded “Yes” to the question of whether they were going to vote) was 61.5%. Turnout for the group that actually gave a reason (any reason)? 86.7%. A restaurant stopped telling customers “Please call to cancel your reservation” and started asking “Will you call and let us know if you need to cancel?” Net result? Number of reservation no-shows dropped from 30% to 10%.

• Writing things down improves commitment. Group A was asked to volunteer on AIDS awareness program at local schools, and was asked to commit verbally. Group B was asked for the same kind of volunteer project, but was given a simple form to fill in. 17% of volunteers from Group A actually showed up to their assigned local school. From Group B 49% of volunteers showed up.

SOCIAL PROOF
People will do things that they see other people do.

• Introduce herd effect in highly personalized form. The hotel sign in the bathroom informed the guests that many prior guests chose to be environmentally friendly by recycling their towels. However, when the message mentioned that majority of the guests who stayed in this specific room chose to be more environmentally conscious and reused their towels, towel recycling jumped 33%, even though the message was largely the same.

• Ads quoting negative behavior en masse reinforces negative behavior. Petrified Forest National Park A/B tested two versions of a sign imploring people not to steal pieces of petrified forest from the park. One mentioned large amounts of petrified forest taken away on an annual basis, the other one simply asked the visitors not to remove petrified wood. The first one actually tripled the theft ratio as it showed stealing petrified wood as something commonplace. Same effect was observed after airing an ad that implored women to vote, but mentioned that 22 million single women did not vote last year. That kind of information actually portrays not voting as more socially acceptable.

• Labeling people into a social group tends to increase their participation ratio. A group of people was interviewed regarding their voting patterns. Half of them were told that based on their response criteria, they were very likely to vote, since they were deemed to be more politically active. Later on the election day that specific half did indeed turn up a participation rate that was 15% higher than participation of the control group.

AUTHORITY
People will tend to obey authority figures,
even if they are asked to perform objectionable acts.

• When people are uncertain, people look outside themselves for information to guide their decisions. Stanley Milgram, a psychologist at Yale University, conducted a 1974 experiment where ordinary people were asked to shock ‘victims’ when they answered questions incorrectly. Those in charge were dressed in white lab coats to give the appearance of high authority. The participants were told that the shocks they gave increased 15 volts in intensity each time the person answered incorrectly. In fact, the shocks were completely imaginary. Respondents were acting. As participants continued to shock their victims, the respondents feigned increasing discomfort until they let out agonized screams and demanded to be released. Astoundingly, about two-thirds of participants ignored these cries of pain and inflicted the full dose of 450 volts.

• “Because” makes any explanation rational. In a line to Kinko’s copy machine a researcher asked to jump the line by presenting a reason “Can I jump the line, because I am in a rush?” 94% of people complied. Good reason, right? Okay, let’s change the reason. “Can I jump the line because I need to make copies?” Excuse me? That’s why everybody is in the line to begin with. Yet 93% of people complied. A request without “because” in it (”Can I jump the line, please?”) generated 24% compliance.

LIKING
People are easily persuaded by other people that they like.

• Sometimes asking people for help makes them more open. Group A was given some bogus research that included a sum of prize money. After the experiment, the researcher approached them and asked whether it wouldn’t be inconvenient if they had to give the money back, since the researcher was using his own money. Group B was not approached with such request after their portion of bogus experiment was done, and was allowed to keep the money. After this both groups were asked to rate their impression of the researcher. Even though it was the first group who didn’t get to keep any money, all of them consistently rated the researcher higher on likability scale.

• Admitting you’re wrong makes people trust you more. Company A published an investors relations report, contributing slump in sales to overall economic climate. Company B said slump of sales was relevant to a few bad decisions by top management. Net result? Investors viewed company B more positively. You’d think that they’d be viewed as a bunch of screw-ups, but admission of a mistake made investors more confident the situation was under control, while company A investors got the uneasy feeling of the ship floating in the waters with captain losing control.

• Similarities raise the response rate. A person named Cindy Johnson received a survey request by mail from someone named Cynthia Johannson. Someone named John Smith received a survey from Gregory Jordan. The name similarity in the first case (note that it’s just phonetic similarity, none of the names are the same) brought up the response rate to 56% vs. regular 30%.

SCARCITY
Perceived scarcity will generate demand.

• Inconvenience the audience by creating an impression of product scarcity. It’s the famous change from “Call now, the operators are standing by” to “If the line is busy, call again”, that greatly improved the call volume by creating the impression that everybody else is trying to buy the same product.

• Giving away the product makes it less desirable. Researchers gave one group of people a picture of a pearl bracelet and asked to evaluate its desirability. Another group of people was given the same task, but prior to that was shown an ad, where the same bracelet was given away for free, if you bought a bottle of expensive liqueur. The second group considered the bracelet much less desirable, since mentally a lot of potential buyers (35% of them to be exact) shuffled the bracelet onto “trinkets they give away for free” shelf in their brain.

Considering that 80% of recent college grads are unemployed, Ryan Holiday's recent essay on dissatisfaction is timely:

I remember when I first left school, I would see people come and go into the office while I was stuck with a schedule and a desk. It felt like they were free and I was in chains. Like, what it must feel to come and go as you please. To feel so secure in your position.

Now I have all that and I realize I was chasing a ghost. I don't suddenly feel less constrained, I feel more. I'd seen the physical manifestations, what time they came in or where they answered the phone, and tricked myself into thinking that once you got there it all came easy. And of course, it doesn't, it gets harder.

But if you can rid yourself of the pressure, you can at least start to understand that each one of these phases has a purpose, purposes that are critically reliant on the phase that came before it. And appreciate it instead of struggling with resentment or dissatisfaction.

When I found out there was a 24-hour gym in my apartment last November, I pressured myself to take advantage of it. I'd never really gone to a gym before, though I did own a pair of dumbbells. None of my close friends were into weightlifting, and there was no way I would've gone to a gym alone.

Fortunately, I have a roommate who also wanted to work out regularly. So we committed to working out at least twice a week, and I began doing research to figure out a routine for myself. I've often heard that you shouldn't do the same exercises in the same order because you don't want your body to get used to them. But I just wanted to develop the habit and make sure that what I was doing was recommended.

Here's my current routine:

• Sunday: basketball
• Monday: weightlifting
• Tuesday: cardio
• Wednesday: weightlifting
• Thursday: cardio
• Friday: weightlifting

The weightlifting program I started with (and still use) is called Stronglifts 5x5. Because my gym only has dumbbells and machines (instead of barbells), I modified and added some exercises. Also, instead of doing reverse crunches one day and prone bridges another day, I do the same ab routine every workout:

• Reverse crunches (3x30)
• Leg raises (3x30)
• Prone bridges (3x60sec)

80% of building muscle is diet. Working out is useless if you're not eating right. So I recently found actor Ryan Reynold's diet (and workout) online. His diet is actually very similar to Bruce Lee's.

Another useful resource that I started using religiously is DailyBurn (formerly Gyminee). I use it to track my exercise progress, but my favorite thing to do is track my nutrition. You can even track how much water you drink each day. (Drinking water alone does wonders for your energy.) Add me if you join.

I'm not going to pretend this is easy. There were a few weeks where I didn't work out at all (despite having a gym in my building). And I only recently realized how important the diet side of the equation is. And I just started organizing basketball games a week ago. And I hate treadmills. But even with all my missteps, I'm still in better shape than when I started.

And that's why I decided to write this post: to help you get started. And when you get started, you'll gradually develop the habit. And then you'll be able to customize your workout/diet, figuring out what works for you.

If you already workout regularly, share what's worked for you in the comments.

I was single for 3 years after a 3-year relationship, and during that time, I talked to a lot of people about their relationships. Because I listened to so many problems and offered so much advice, I learned a lot about what keeps a relationship healthy, and I was convinced that there were things that I would never do again: argue angrily, feel insecure, be jealous, and struggle getting over someone.

I recently did all of these.

At my brother's graduation commencement, a student speaker talked about the difference between education and learning: "education" is learning from theory; "learning" is learning from experience. For example, "education" would be reading a book or taking a class on entrepreneurship; "learning" would be starting a business.

It reminded me of my earlier essay about the difference between "just-in-case" and "just-in-time" information, and why the latter is more important. The problem with our education system is that they load us with all this information and theory that we may or may not use. And rarely do they engage us in experiential learning so that we can make mistakes and learn from them.

Always differentiate the knowledge you've learned from theory and the knowledge you've learned from experience. The latter is more reliable.